Spiritual Journey: Part 2

Welcome to the second part of the introduction to my spiritual journey thus far.

And so I left the Presbyterian church. At this time the whole of my spiritual foundation had been shaken to the point where I could not even look at a church without feeling queasy. I refused to go to any services including Christmas services and Easter services. It was not that I didn't believe, I just could not stomach going into a church. This created one of the many rifts between my Mom and I. She didn't (and still doesn't) understand my need for space from the church.

It was years before I could even consider religion again and in that time I began to do research on other forms of spirituality, ones that could be practiced alone and where my interaction with the Divine was one on one. I dabbled in a variety of things with no real vested interest until my life got turned upside down when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer last January. 

My dad is one of the most important people in my life and his diagnosis scared me. A LOT. The main way I was able to cope with this new world of doctors appointments, chemotherapy and the myriad of symptoms it causes was to dive into research. Yup, research. I guess the logic and reasoning aspect of my head was trying to quell the emotions running rampant in my heart. Research on my dad's type of cancer, it's causes, effects, lifestyle and environmental factors on our health, toxins in our food and personal care products, green health and beauty...the list goes on. 

Through this research I came across a variety of amazing people who I have found to be incredibly inspiring. One of the major things that linked them together was their spirtituality, their belief in something more. Many of these incredible people I came across talked about the importance of spirituality in their lives and as a cornerstone to their health. They practiced meditation, art, worked with the healing energies of crystals, chakras and oracle/tarot cards. They took walks in nature and were able to connect to the world in a way that was beautiful. I saw their happiness, their peace and I knew that they had uncovered something wonderful. I felt myself being called to explore these avenues of spirituality in order to connect to with the Divine and it felt as if a lost piece of me was falling into place. 

Well, I believe I have rambled enough for tonight. :-) 

Namaste and Much Love. 

Spiritual Journey : Part 1

Welcome everyone!! 

I have decided to keep a blog about my spiritual journey and adventures. 

I want to give a brief history of my spirituality so you understand where I am coming from. 

I grew up Christian, particularly the denomination Presbyterian. My whole family was involved in the church. My mom dressed us all up and we went every Sunday. My dad used to help do the care taking of the church and he would often bring my sister and I along. We had free range of the church and explored every nook and cranny. At no point while attending this church did I not feel the loving presence of God around me. I often felt like he was laughing at the shenanigans my sister and I got into. 

Then when I was 10 we moved and I had to say goodbye to that wonderful place where I had spent countless hours playing. We immediately began attending another Presbyterian church in this new town. This also happened to be the church in which my parents were married in. This new church did not have the same feeling to it. We began attending Logos, I made new friends and my Christian upbringing continued. Although over the next 8 years I also spent countless hours playing in this church, becoming familiar with every nook and cranny it never had the warmth that my old church did. I felt as if something was missing. 

My first major internal conflict with the church, not with God but the church, occurred during my confirmation classes when I was 16. My minister was going over the people who would be allowed into heaven and blatantly stated that those who did not accept Jesus as their lord and savior would not be going to heaven. I couldn't accept that. I proposed the following statement to her: you are telling me that a serial killer who has taken the lives of multiple people and caused so much pain, at any point could accept Jesus as his lord and savior would be allowed in heaven. But a doctor who finds a cure for aids, saves millions of lives, gives people hope, and does not accept Jesus as his lord and savior would go to hell? The minister simply said yes and ended the discussion. 

I had such fundamental issues with the ministers response to me. The God she was talking about was not the same one I had come to know. In my heart I knew that God would never turn away a person who dedicates their life to the betterment of others. I knew that he would not turn away anyone who lived their lives full of peace and love. And thus cracks began to form in my foundation of organized religion, in the church. My belief in God and his love were as strong as ever but I felt like he was calling me away from the church. 

I struggled with this uneasiness for a couple of years and it was not until the church I was attending decided that they wanted a new church building that I became aware of how much I did not belong there anymore. The sermons became about politics and money, they were so focused on these that they lost sight of who they were loosing. The only opinions that began to matter were those of the wealthy in the congregation, catering to them so they would help donate to the cause. It made me feel sick and I could hear God telling me that I needed to get out of there, that it was no longer the place for my spiritual nourishment. So I left. I have not set foot back there since. 

Since then it has been a matter of trial and error to discover my spiritual path. I am still on path of discovery and likely will be the rest of my life. 

I will share in part 2 what I have discovered since leaving the church. 

Namaste and much love.